Thoughts on Life (and Death) in a Victorian Vicarage…

I love St. Cuthbert’s Vicarage - and a lot of the time I love living in it. The drawback is largely the size and coldness of the building. As energy costs have soared I have been acutely aware of the need to cut back on heating, so it’s been a chilly winter and spring. I’m still using the winter duvet - and still taking a hot water bottle to bed! But it’s a wonderful building in a marvellous setting. The garden may appear a little (?) on the wild side - but it’s great to share it with deer, foxes, squirrels, pheasants and a range of quieter birdlife, though not always the visiting cats.

Currently, though, I’m experiencing visits from another form of wildlife. I’ve got used to the woodlice - these strange, seemingly armoured little creatures which look as though they could survive a nuclear explosion but actually tend to expire as they trundle just halfway across the room. But the new visitor I’ve identified as the mason bee (or masonry bee). They’ve been coming in large numbers, gather inside the windows of just two rooms and then expire. I’ve probably hoovered up a hundred or so in the last week. They’re thankfully not bothered about attacking humans and have a very small sting anyway. I think that they’re probably males which leave the nest first, mate and then go off to die. It’s sad to see, and I’m hoping that this cycle in their life and death is just about over.

With lives so short, I’ve pondered whether their existence is a sort of futility? It is, of course, simply part of nature’s ways - the way the world goes on. Which makes it all the more impressive that human life can be so long - and that it incorporates periods when we need the care of others, when care can make a difference, and that we can value what life brings, even if we might complain about it at times. It’s a privilege for me to spend time with people in sickness - or with their carers - and sometimes at the time of death. These are sad times, but also times when I have been overawed by resilience, courage, love and care - all the most human and necessary qualities. These are qualities which point me to the divine. They’re times when we might question God’s purpose but it’s also in these times that we might be most conscious of God’s presence.  

Martin Jackson